Truth be told, this was Brittany’s find – I was adamantly against taking it home (just as adamant as I was when Brittany picked up $7 off the sidewalk a few months ago); but I’ll admit (now that it’s sat in the car for over a year), it’s pretty awesome. The teacher’s notes are a bit hard to read in the scan:
Great start – I’d like to reread it you are missing some words and need to change others (see underlined). If you rewrite it you’ll get extra credit
As for the story itself, here’s Folusho Adeyemo’s original text with corrections in brackets:
Hi, hoots the name and a seed is my game. I’m here to(y) tell you one of the greatest story in the world. The story of the plant hunters watcher. We starts of with a group of kids playing with some squeals, [what is this?] “A[h] men” the kid said to his friends, looking at the squeal with a smile on his face and his mind screaming food! “let eat”
The other [boys] smile and picked up there [their] knee and just about they killed the squeal they saw it planting a seed in the earth and they cooked and eat [ate – past tense] the squeal. Even dough the boy was fall he went back to that spot ever day. Some said he was a fool but fool where the great, some said [he] was looking for a voice of an angel and he was, sew if each day and because that he was telt [does not make sense] to find food on his own and he did with a peach tree all to him self.”
S. Melville
5:07 am on
February 10, 2010
Sounds like Lord of the Flies. This kid kinda creeps me out.
Laura
9:36 pm on
February 12, 2010
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
laurie
8:05 pm on
February 18, 2010
I like it… sounds like a very thoughtful kid. great find
Lunah
10:52 am on
June 8, 2010
Hi Jim , I found this by accident, I’m not even subscribed to this website, but I am so glad I ran into this, the story is very fucking magic yes, but then I started to scroll down and took a look at your other posts and dude, the rest of your likes are magic too.
Just thought I’d be rad If someone all the way in Venezuela (me) told you that you’re kind of cool.
ps. AND YOUR BEARD. jesus christ.
Jim
7:22 am on
June 9, 2010
Thanks so much, Lunah!!
You’ve got awesome taste 😉
It’s always great to hear from someone in Venezuela