Luc Besson is a master of French cool. I grew up enamored with his spectacular La Femme Nikita, so I was so psyched to watch Subway, his anti-hero ode to the underground and the recklessly young. There is so, so much to love about it. It’s about criminals living under the subways who form a band for god’s sake! so what could go wrong?? Sadly, much , but let’s start with what’s great… Chris Lambert sounds like an energized Tommy Wiseau (at least in the bad transfer/strange English dubbing we saw on netflix instant) and exudes a maniacal charm I never knew he had as he delivers lines like “I adore birthdays” and “That jacket looks fantastic!”. Jean Reno looks perfectly amazing as a moustached drummer named Chopsticks, Jean Hughes Angelade is an adorable roller skating thief waif, and the lovely Isabelle Adjani rocks diamonds, black chiffon, plaid shoulder pads, and faux hawk beehives with cool elegance. Everyone and everything looks cool – even the camera angels and wide angles add to the dynamic, wild energy harnessed in the movie… why then have I had to come to the undeniable conclusion that it also happens to be a pretty terrible movie? I’ve included a few images so you don’t have to watch it yourself to come to the same conclusion.
Have you ever been disappointed with a movie even if all the elements were awesome? Do share.
High speed chase to terrible europop in a tux.
Meet Chopsticks!
Diamonds, black chiffon and a pleated maxi skirt. Yes!
Still looks good rumpled in bed.
As much as he loves birthdays, he hates safes and blows them up every chance he gets.
Meet Big Bill!
It doesn’t take much to make living in Paris seem sublime, but a kitchen like this helps.
Fred and Roller hanging out.
Watching sparks fly.
Perfect bored rich girl expression with that fantastic mohawk beehive.
The band dresses like this for performances, I will not ask why because I like it.
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