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hardbodies

hardbodies

hardbodies

hardbodies

Undoubtedly, these images are going to make Hardbodies look like a lot more fun than it is. The film is no B-movie delight like Joysticks, mostly because of an overwhelming grossness factor. The plot concerns a homeless surfer named Scotty Palmer who gains employment as a sort of pimp to three “sex geezers”- old men who have moved in together to a summer beach house to get laid. Scotty’s best friend is a horny monster face of a kid named Rags who has beef on the beach with a roaming gang of sexual predators (see man in the “Boogie Til You Puke” tee).

Watching said men get mesmerized by boobs and suffer from nauseating blue balls (see after the jump) is perhaps less exciting than it sounds. But on the other hand, there is an early appearance by the all girl band Vixen who rock my world in leg warmers with a song called “Computer Madness”, there are performing bodybuilders, there is a car water bed sex palace, and there are numerous fake breast antics that you just can’t find in comedies anymore.

Oh, and some photos after the jump are not safe for work – and one in particular (which includes a feather boa) is likely to give you nightmares. I apologize.

hardbodies

The perfect font choice.

hardbodies

Rags, ladies and gentlemen.

hardbodies

Roaming gang of dangerous sex offenders.

hardbodies

The trio of sex geezers.

hardbodies

This is what you see when Scotty’s about to bang you…

hardbodies

… in a car shaped water bed with lazer lights.

hardbodies

In this Larry Clark esque still, one sex geezer wears a fairly impressive embroidered shirt.

hardbodies

Well played, Rags.

hardbodies

Vixen – before they became somewhat famous.

hardbodies

Fake breasts were better, more subtle then.

hardbodies

A nauseating case of sex geezer blue balls.

hardbodies

This is the one. I am still sorry.

hardbodies

Just.. terrible

hardbodies

Slippery and wet.

hardbodies

This guy was a comic relief coke head rapist character I just couldn’t get into.

hardbodies

Rags goes all the way.

Posted by: on September 19th, 2009 | Comments (2)
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2 Comments

  • Ashleigh
    3:02 pm on
    September 19, 2009

    Rags is terrifying – a post apocalyptic mutated Carrot-Top

     


  • PingbackGrace Jones: Vamp | Rotating Corpse
    7:06 am on
    June 25, 2010

    […] is a terrible, can’t-get-through-it movie (and that’s coming from someone that watched Hardbodies from start to finish)… but it does have what no other rotten teen sex comedy has – […]

     

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