Hardbodies

Undoubtedly, these images are going to make Hardbodies look like a lot more fun than it is. The film is no B-movie delight like Joysticks, mostly because of an overwhelming grossness factor. The plot concerns a homeless surfer named Scotty Palmer who gains employment as a sort of pimp to three “sex geezers”- old men who have moved in together to a summer beach house to get laid. Scotty’s best friend is a horny monster face of a kid named Rags who has beef on the beach with a roaming gang of sexual predators (see man in the “Boogie Til You Puke” tee).

Watching said men get mesmerized by boobs and suffer from nauseating blue balls (see after the jump) is perhaps less exciting than it sounds. But on the other hand, there is an early appearance by the all girl band Vixen who rock my world in leg warmers with a song called “Computer Madness”, there are performing bodybuilders, there is a car water bed sex palace, and there are numerous fake breast antics that you just can’t find in comedies anymore.

Oh, and some photos after the jump are not safe for work – and one in particular (which includes a feather boa) is likely to give you nightmares. I apologize.

The perfect font choice.

Rags, ladies and gentlemen.

Roaming gang of dangerous sex offenders.

The trio of sex geezers.

This is what you see when Scotty’s about to bang you…

… in a car shaped water bed with lazer lights.

In this Larry Clark esque still, one sex geezer wears a fairly impressive embroidered shirt.

Well played, Rags.

Vixen – before they became somewhat famous.

Fake breasts were better, more subtle then.

A nauseating case of sex geezer blue balls.

This is the one. I am still sorry.

Just.. terrible

Slippery and wet.

This guy was a comic relief coke head rapist character I just couldn’t get into.

Rags goes all the way.