Imagine this: It’s 1976 and you’re dating a man named Rick. He has a mustache and owns at least one reindeer sweater. High off of reading The Easter Parade and The Great Santini, he’s all pumped up to write the next great American novel but, to make ends meet, he’s currently working for Hallmark. He’s been really cagey about his latest project, only revealing that this will be the first time Hermann Zapf‘s Crown font is used in a publication.
The fact is, things could be better between the two of you; he forgot your birthday… then your anniversary. Then there was that time he bit your head off on the car ride home for making fun of him during a game of Monopoly at a friend’s house.
Now, imagine it’s Valentine’s Day and you’re not expecting much – but Rick surprises you. It turns out that book he was working on – it’s all about you! And your relationship! Your eyes well up with tears of joy. Then, as you skim through, they become tears of something else. You discover that the book is full of lines like this: “Please don’t get mad at me if I forget your birthday or some special day we share.”
And this: “Please don’t expect me to always be good and kind and loving. There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.”
And there’s even a photo depicting couples board game night paired with this text: “Please don’t… make me look foolish in front of other people.”
I spotted this amazing treasure at Spoonbill and Sugartown and, of course, I had to buy it right away. Aside from the prose, the photographs are priceless – but even more priceless are the hand written annotations and underlined passages in my copy, beseeching the reader to re-read certain lines. It’s out of print (as you might have imagined) but, as your faithful friend, I’ve digitally preserved this amazing book; every magical page can be viewed after the jump.
Ben
12:20 pm on
February 10, 2011
Wow, I can’t believe all the inconsiderate people assuming that this guy has no care for his girl. You’re all terrible people who fail to look through this piece for what it is. Yes, he said there will be days when he might be an ass. Everybody has those days. Relationships get in fights sometimes. You don’t break it off with the one you love just because he was an ass one day. Shit happens, outside things can lead to bad moods, you can’t always expect people to be perfect all the time. This speaks to me pretty deeply. It has things most relationships need. Give the other person space, don’t make promises you can’t keep, and love each other always. Forgetting a birthday isn’t cause for a freak out. Sure it might hurt, but you move on. You people that think this is terrible and the guy really doesn’t love her need to stop living in a fantasy world. Not every guy is your Edward Cullen. We aren’t perfect. We do things that you may hate. We may get mad sometimes. But if we say we love you, it’s probably true. And when we tell you we’re there for you, well, I know I wouldn’t lie. Just because the man isn’t perfect and not afraid to admit it to the person he loves does not mean that he loves her less and is self centered. If you can’t realize that, then you need to stop living in a fantasy world.
Inane
5:01 pm on
February 10, 2011
this is bullshit
and gay not to mention
Al
8:27 am on
February 14, 2011
Personally, I found it a delightful read. It is EXACTLY how I handle my relationships. I always told my ex-wife that I loved her more today than I did yesterday, as well. I, for one, appreciate this. And, to those who find it “bullshit”, et al, pull your heads out of your collective asses. Why ridicule a man for being honest. If he were a womanizing oaf, would he be showered with accolades?
ibrahim mansour
1:40 am on
February 20, 2011
The modern fairy tale ending is the reverse of the traditional one: A woman does not wait for Prince Charming to bring her happiness; she lives happily ever after only by refusing to wait for him — or by actually rejecting him. It is those who persist in hoping for a Prince Charming who are setting themselves up for disillusionment and unhappiness.
Anonymous
10:08 pm on
March 1, 2011
Oh my goodness this just made my life! I stumbled upon it and realized that the guy model is my uncle! Kind of disturbing to see him with the 70s porn star mustache, but I still laughed my butt off!
Jeeem
5:13 am on
March 3, 2011
I think I’m going to puke….
DV
6:09 pm on
March 3, 2011
satire 101. HELLO.
rmw26
7:16 pm on
March 3, 2011
SSSSWWWWWEEEEEEET!
Susan
5:20 am on
March 4, 2011
What a bunch of b.s. Treacly condescension.
fajas colombianas
8:58 am on
March 18, 2011
It should be the other way around.
nosuch human
1:01 pm on
March 27, 2011
this book retails for $80 on amazon.
Really
6:26 am on
April 6, 2011
The only thing gayer than this article is Rick.
Ninja
2:41 pm on
April 8, 2011
Wow. That’s 10 minutes of my life I will never get back.
stumbler
7:31 pm on
April 19, 2011
I don’t see why this is negative. It is honest. People mess up, make mistakes, forget dates, say things they don’t mean, snap from stress, and generally have many faults. The best relationships happen when both people have a true understanding of these faults.
I will be “celebrating” my anniversary tomorrow by spending the day in the library studying for my finals with my boyfriend. There will be no roses, candlelit dinners, or romantic hotel suites. Just books, notes, maybe a reassuring shoulder massage, and knowing that he loves me enough to sit inside all day with me when he does not have to. And I love him more than anything for that.
Jaco
3:33 am on
May 6, 2011
This is just what I needed.
hah
4:45 am on
May 6, 2011
I thought that was lame… There’s just something wrong with that.. . This Rick man is self-centered and manipulative
curtis
7:22 am on
May 6, 2011
Seriously, don’t be so simple to not realize what is said. It’s obviously a personal message, most likely what she needed to hear. Women don’t know it, and a lot of men are too cowardly to act, but a woman needs to be reminded of these things. I find this man very wise and intelligent.
nobby
7:40 pm on
May 7, 2011
I don’t understand why this is interesting.
I think his sentiments are valid and applicable. And if written from a woman to me, would provoke the exact same reaction as if it was from a man, so this is not a misogynistic comment.
The book is neither well written enough to be interesting, nor the content nearly outrageous enough to be appalled at. Perhaps you would look at the oxymoronic phrase “bitter sweet” and laugh your heads off too if it was dressed in fashion from another era.
Guys. Remove your head from your anuses.
Hillary
10:27 pm on
May 8, 2011
I think this short piece of work is beautiful. It describes the relationship between my boyfriend and I to perfection. I would love to get my hands on a copy of this. If anyone knows a way that I could, please let me know.
glitterfiend
10:45 pm on
May 10, 2011
I just got out of a relationship in which there was a lot of big talk about the future and forever and growing old together, and honestly I wish their hadn’t been. If you avoid making such lofty promises, it doesn’t mean you’re unstable or can’t commit. It just means you recognize the youth of the relationship and don’t want to stifle it. I really don’t think there’s anything terrible about that part. The one part that rubbed me the wrong way was the “don’t make me look foolish” part, but other than that I think yall need to lighten up! Jeez!
Jonela
9:49 am on
May 14, 2011
Really, I have to thank you for sharing this and you sure are very lucky for having this book. I kinda have problems with my someone right now and it’s just amazing that I stumbled upon this. This really hit me. I know this little lines can make our relationship way way better. Im inlove with this book. Really. 🙂
Sophia
12:26 pm on
May 14, 2011
I fell in love with this.
deokie
7:57 am on
May 17, 2011
this guy has narcissistic personality disorder, don’t fall for it bittie!!!!
Evan
5:05 am on
May 27, 2011
Really Cool stuff dude. I greatly appreciate these are all the things to be considered in real life to avoid most of the divorces in the World
Fernando
5:48 pm on
May 29, 2011
Well, people thinks that “needing” someone else to keep breathing is romantic. But I think that is just conformity and lack of self love. Instead, if two lovers that do not need to be together still want to be together, then it is a lot more meaningful.
Also, has nobody been in a family before? It is completely normal to forget dates and to fight. Also I would never put to shame someone I love in public, even if I know that person can take it, won’t say I never did it, but I learned from that how hurtful it is to be made fun by someone you love in front of others.
And to end my comment, to go up you need to be able to go down; the same way you need to be able to be independent to really share your life with someone else. So Rick is saying that he wants to be with the woman she is, not to create some kind of pitiful dependency between them and little by little forget how awesome they are by themselves.
Love is like that, and whoever thinks you need to become nothing without your loved one, is meant to suffer his(her) entire life.
Cory
1:39 am on
June 1, 2011
Hayley, you’re the best girlfriend ever, always remember that. I’m so lucky to have you. I can’t wait to have you in my arms
xoxoxoxH
Marilyn
8:21 am on
July 12, 2011
This was beautiful and timeless. We should all take this advice and learn to really love and understand each other. Thank you for sharing. Any chance we can get a pdf of it. I would like to share it with my friends at work.
Corey
12:22 pm on
July 28, 2011
So, I think this is very dumb. It’s not his/her attempt to be sincere and realistic; it seems like it is a cop-out. And honestly, how hard is it to remember you girlfriend or boyfriend’s birthday? I mean seriously, write it down or something. It honestly seems like whoever wrote this did not want to commit. “Don’t promise me forever?” We don’t know what the future holds, but that doesn’t mean we can’t commit to one another. I actually saw someone say that this book would help against divorce.The only way that would ever be true is that anyone who truly abides by the rubbish in this book would never be able to make a commitment of that magnitude in the first place.
That said, I laughed a lot at this. So ridiculous.
Carlos
11:49 am on
July 29, 2011
This was like a kick right now i’m really sad depressed because my girlfriend toll me to give us a time but she really want to be with me the fact is that she is seeing somebody else in i always crying because its soo hard any advice