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Got this email below today from a one Nishil Patel. I guess he wanted his friend Marcus Smith to read his not-so-strongly worded letter to the Walkers Snack Food corporation for a hair in his crisps. Why can’t we have cool named snack foods over here like “Jimmy Con Carne”?

Nishil Patel
36 Pinkers Mead
Emersons Green
Bristol
BS16 7EF

25th February 2011

Consumers Services Department
Walkers Snack Foods Ltd
PO Box 23
Leicester
LE4 8ZU

Dear Sir/Madam

I enclose with this letter a half eaten packet of your fine flavoured ‘Jimmy
con Carrne’ crisps. Today I was thoroughly enjoying this delicious packet
of crisps. Until fortunately I happened look down up on my next mouthful,
unfortunately my face turned into a sour mess stricken with a look of
disappointment! My eyes were met by a wiry black filamentous biomaterial.
My colleague asked ‘why such a disconcerting look?!’, ‘Eww!’ He says a ‘pube is
it?’.

As you can imagine I was not at all happy with this, firstly it meant I could
not finish Jimmy’s mighty fine tasting chilli flavoured crisps, which I had
been looking forward to all morning with eager anticipation. Secondly the
wave of unhygienic concerns hit me, ‘hair on crisps?’ never I thought! ‘Don’t
they all wear blue hats and tie their hair away?!’

Therefore I felt the need to write to you and inform you of this rare event.
Please examine the packet and I look forward to your response!

Yours sincerely

Nishil Patel
Walkers crisps eater for over 20 years!

Posted by: Marcus on February 25th, 2011 | Comments (1)

Off the top of my head I’d say there was another purple smurf epidemic:

and when pretty much all the village is doomed to a race of tail-biting zombies, this appears:

Posted by: Marcus on September 17th, 2010 | Comments (0)

So have been working on some recordings and watched (for the first time surprisingly) A Boy and His Dog last night. Now in terms of awesome genre-defying 70s achievements that seem to get better with age I’d put it up there with the original Wickerman. The trailer was so awesome and surreal I just had to usurp it a bit to add some music to it. Was pretty happy with how it turned out.

Posted by: Marcus on April 21st, 2010 | Comments (3)

Got a great fake Marcus Smith email today. Apparently I’m trying to question the logic of Dell’s online chat. Was the “India” jab really necessary though?

04/07/2010 10:48:47AM Session Started with Agent (BE_PR1_Rep_Sally_B)
04/07/2010 10:48:54AM Agent (BE_PR1_Rep_Sally_B): “Welcome to Dell’s Sales Chat! I hope you are doing well and thank you for waiting. My name is Sally and I will be your personal sales agent today. Feel free to email me at us_dhs_chat_reply@dell.com or leave me a message at ****-****-**** ext. 2160085, fr”
&nbsp om 8AM CST – 12 CST.
04/07/2010 10:48:57AM Agent (BE_PR1_Rep_Sally_B): “Hi Marcus :)
04/07/2010 10:49:00AM Agent (BE_PR1_Rep_Sally_B): “By the way, there are several instances where chats get disconnected (we don’t disconnect you on purpose), just in case this happens, what phone number can we reach you at?”
04/07/2010 10:49:08AM marcus: “Hi”
04/07/2010 10:49:14AM marcus: “Have I reached India ?”
04/07/2010 10:49:41AM Agent (BE_PR1_Rep_Sally_B): “No.”
04/07/2010 10:50:09AM marcus: “there are several instances where chats get disconnected…the why should i chat…i guess ill call the direct sales line”
04/07/2010 10:50:15AM marcus: “thanks for your help today”
04/07/2010 10:50:37AM Agent (BE_PR1_Rep_Sally_B): “No problem. Can i help you with anything else?”
04/07/2010 10:50:49AM marcus: “i guess thats all for d day”
04/07/2010 10:50:54AM marcus: “u have a good one”
04/07/2010 10:50:56AM marcus: “bye”
04/07/2010 10:50:58AM marcus: “cheers”

Posted by: Marcus on April 7th, 2010 | Comments (0)

I love praises of the ordinary, especially captured on B Roll…

Posted by: Marcus on December 8th, 2009 | Comments (1)
luminary

luminary

So I probably would have lived my whole life never knowing what Luminary was or how to get up to ‘reputation 10′, then someone sent the wrong Marcus Smith (me) this email the other day:

Hi J**! It’s ToroRojo.

I just saw your whispers in game, and it’s sad to know you’re leaving. I know it’s absolutely dissapointing to try to get r10 so many times and fail. I understand how you feel and I hope you come back later on, I firmly believe that you only need to rest a while and stop playing, you’ll see you’ll be coming back in a while.

About your account, I think it can be a good idea. Maybe I can help you while you are away, raising you char, hunting mats and all. Give me you account info and i’ll be checking and maintaining your chars and all. I know it’s stupid to tell you this, but I promess i won’t do anything bad, or steal from you. And so, when you come back, you’ll still have all your stuff and I’ll keep helping you, I promess we both are gonna achieve that damn r10, I PROMESS!!

Oh, and by the way, my real name is E*****, just so you know. What’s yours?

Hope to hear from you soon.

Bye! ^^

Luminary is a MMORPG set in a post-apocalyptic world where you and the other players are building a new society from the ground up and trying to overcome the physical and organizational challenges involved. Oh, and there are monsters too. Checking out some documentation on this game, it sounds like it could be easier to get power and status in the real world faster then this one:

Luminary Review

So don’t sweat it J**, I’m sure you’ll come back swingin’ after your needed hiatus.

Posted by: Marcus on November 9th, 2009 | Comments (0)

I had a small geek-out on the Scopitone this morning thanks to this video. A proper breakdown of which could probably fill a thesis:

The Scopitone was a sort of ‘video jukebox’ that was first started in France during the 60s then slowly made there way to the US for a short time (there were about 5-600 in the States until the 70s, maybe killed by cable and the beginnings of MTV?). It had a 26″ screen on which a special 16mm music film were displayed.  It operated very similar to a jukebox so I sort of envision a moppy haired mass of teens crowding around it in some bar or coffee house.  Checking out scopitones.com, looks indeed like the French really elevated this art form.  Sort of makes one wants to dig up an old film camera and start a fake band.  Who’s with me?

scopitone

UPDATE! Martin Circus updated their ‘look’ for the 80s!

Posted by: Marcus on September 25th, 2009 | Tagged with: | Comments (2)
Room-a-vroom-vroom!

Room-a-vroom-vroom!

This is about things I get to my email address ‘marcus.smith’ @ xxxx.com.  Having a fairly common name and being lucky enough to get in on the ground floor for my email address I tend to get a lot of things meant for people who are not me.

Sometimes these emails touch me in some way and get my mind wandering…

The other day I got this in.  Apparently I’m the parent of a boy of Hot-Wheel-lovin’ age who was gracious enough to get me in on the action.

Dear Parent,

We are writing to let you know that your child has signed up to join www.HotWheels.com. Our site is the ultimate online destination for boys (ed: interesting assumption I wonder if the barbie site says ‘girls’) to experience the thrill of Hot Wheels® cars and to play great games, compete with friends, track their car collection and stats, and get the latest Hot Wheels® news.

When kids register, we ask them to provide a username, their e-mail address, AND the e-mail address of a parent so we can send this letter!

We invite you to visit the site and check it out. Monitoring where your kids go on the Internet is part of your job (ed: ha, I guess if you don’t care about HotWheels.com you’re obviously a bad parent) and we want to assure you that www.HotWheels.com is a safe space for fun online! We’ve taken every precaution to partner with you to keep your kids not only safe, but also engaged, entertained and challenged.

Please view our privacy policy at www.hotwheels.com/PrivacyPolicy/index.aspx We care deeply about personal privacy and any and all information we collect is used to help us improve our site, our services and our products.

As a parent you have the right to ask us to not contact your son online and to remove him from our e-mail database at any time. If you do not respond we will send your child e-mail newsletters and updates periodically. If you choose to remove your child, they will not receive future e-mails from www.HotWheels.com. Unfortunately, they will also be unable to enjoy lots of exclusive content available with membership which enhances the experience and makes it more fun. (ed: still not too late to be a bad parent) To remove your child from our email database click here http://www.HotWheels.com/common/optout.aspx?request=EMIlvzXTXiPrWMI%2ffg7DOA%3d%3d

You may want to save this e-mail for future reference.

We really appreciate your time and we hope you and your child will visit us at www.www.HotWheels.com soon!

Sincerely,

www.HotWheels.com

P.S. Please do not send a reply to this email.
Unfortunately, due to the volume of mail we receive, we can’t respond to individual e-mails. Thank you.

P.P.S. If you are having trouble using links, cut and paste or type the entire link into your website browser address line.

© 2009 Mattel, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

The hotwheels.com site itself is gaudy, plays the stock photo equivalent of rock (or ‘juice-box-commercial rock’ if I had to put a genre to it), and opens with a video game montage of giant purple sharks.  In other words, exactly the sort of thing I’d love if I were a 12 year old boy.

http://www.hotwheels.com/registration/index.aspx

I remember long ago establishing Hot Wheels as my standard kid currency.  They were traded like marbles on the open after-school market.  My personal favorites were the classic ones w/ the soft tires and metallic flake paint.  GI Joe’s were too expensive, had parts that could go missing rendering them of more questionable worth, and were badass soldier personalities complete with cardboard profiles so you grew way too attached to them to merely trade away.  Hot Wheels however were these perfectly encapsulated units of awesome rolling power that was easily transferable and lacked the complications of GI Joe attachment.  What?  Trade my SEAL and Lady Jane for a Destro and Arctic Trooper?  You must be out of your mind.  I’d much rather sit back and covet your toys while thinking about how my father didn’t love me enough to help me complete my set then even dream of eliminating from my precious supply.

The email goes on to assume said kid’s excitement in their exclusive content and “latest Hot Wheel news”.  So much that they seem to be making not only a desperate plea for the parent’s approval but the establishment of a firm belief that they are essential for the customer, um, kid’s development having now found the ultimate boy destination.  Like this 7-12 year old had discovered a secret much too powerful to be tempered with.  Dunno if I remember ever caring about latest Hot Wheels news, I guess there was a time when I wanted to be that first kid on the block with that new racetrack where they would do a flip.

So, sorry Marcus Smith.  I truly hope your kid can remain a loyal follower/patron of Hot Wheels dot com and never miss out on their new developments.  Otherwise it would make me a bit sad despite the shameless hubris exhibited by the Mattel corporation.

Posted by: Marcus on April 6th, 2009 | Tagged with: , , | Comments (3)