Our film and video class was a very tight knit group of hell raisers (we just found out one professor, Peter O’Neill dubbed us “the class from hell”). We scoffed at “the man” who was always trying to bring us down. One example was our Senior Show, the poster for which a member of the class usually designed. For our year they decided instead to give the honor to a grumpy secretary who didn’t like any of us. The result was unmemorable. We, of course, made our own poster anyways and this is it. Our extremely talented friend Tim Lokiec is the artist. I adore!!

Luc Besson is a master of French cool. I grew up enamored with his spectacular La Femme Nikita, so I was so psyched to watch Subway, his anti-hero ode to the underground and the recklessly young. There is so, so much to love about it. It’s about criminals living under the subways who form a band for god’s sake! so what could go wrong?? Sadly, much , but let’s start with what’s great… Chris Lambert sounds like an energized Tommy Wiseau (at least in the bad transfer/strange English dubbing we saw on netflix instant) and exudes a maniacal charm I never knew he had as he delivers lines like “I adore birthdays” and “That jacket looks fantastic!”. Jean Reno looks perfectly amazing as a moustached drummer named Chopsticks, Jean Hughes Angelade is an adorable roller skating thief waif, and the lovely Isabelle Adjani rocks diamonds, black chiffon, plaid shoulder pads, and faux hawk beehives with cool elegance. Everyone and everything looks cool – even the camera angels and wide angles add to the dynamic, wild energy harnessed in the movie… why then have I had to come to the undeniable conclusion that it also happens to be a pretty terrible movie? I’ve included a few images so you don’t have to watch it yourself to come to the same conclusion.

Have you ever been disappointed with a movie even if all the elements were awesome? Do share.

High speed chase to terrible europop in a tux.

Meet Chopsticks!

Diamonds, black chiffon and a pleated maxi skirt. Yes!

Still looks good rumpled in bed.

As much as he loves birthdays, he hates safes and blows them up every chance he gets.

Meet Big Bill!

It doesn’t take much to make living in Paris seem sublime, but a kitchen like this helps.

Fred and Roller hanging out.

Watching sparks fly.

Perfect bored rich girl expression with that fantastic mohawk beehive.

The band dresses like this for performances, I will not ask why because I like it.

I held onto these Meatloaf sized handmade Poison jackets (that I imagined once belonged to the toughest, brutest Bret Micheal fan girls ever) for as long as reasonable. But, as we purge for our baby’s arrival, they were donated to Beacons Closet but not before I took copious photos to share with you all, of course. Let these images inspire you to make your own homemade fan wear. It’s an art we tend to abandon after adolescence, but it would be kind of awesome to see thirty-somethings on the train wearing studded and puff painted This American Life or Chris Ware jean jackets.

Do you still have any hand made clothing or accessories? Please share in the comments!

This is a classic of mine. It’s called Table for One.

In it, we first meet Sandy as food writer with a column called, you guessed it “Table for One”, for a publication called The City. The City is of course supposed to be Manhattan, but it will look suspiciously like Toronto. So why is she always eating alone, aching for someone to share her ravioli with?

Well, how about the fact that she’s a high heeled, black suit wearing workaholic who orders her Starbucks in a picky, complicated way and isn’t even married!!!

She dilly dallies around town with a local restaurateur played by Kelsey Grammer (think an evil Keith McNally written by someone who has no idea who that is) who has a very open relationship with his “soon to be ex wife” (Rebecca Romijn cameos as the untrustworthy gold digger, thanks to hubby’s recommendation).

“Oh Sandy”, the audience will whimper, “won’t you ever learn??” Of course, no woman in heels that is passionate about her work could ever be happy until some homespun good ole boy teaches her to put on a pair of jeans and abandon all ambitions. Lucky for our missy, that’s just what happens when her editor (we’ll give this role to John C Reilly, who did well with similar material in Never Been Kissed) sends her down to Miami to report on a swanky new restaurant opening.

But wait! On the way down, weather delays her in South Carolina (read “real America”). Seeking refuge from the downpour (first scene of many where her heels become a problem) she wanders into Mama’s House, a diner Cloris Leachman (Betty White – totally booked and too expensive with Bullock on board) runs with a little help from her earnest, social working son, Jerry O’Connell.

The food is like, the best thing she’s ever tasted and she slowly gives up her initial assignment to learn from Mama all about the back to basics of “real” cooking. Lots of references to Mama not being afraid of butter and carbs, plus Leachman has a pet stuffed bear she talks to, pretending it’s her dead husband for inspiration (hey, it’s the best photo I could find of Leachman and I ran with it). More reluctantly, she falls for O’Connell who at first she doesn’t see eye to eye with but a State Fair complete with a pie eating contest and a three legged race that almost results in kissing turns things around.

Of course, it’s not all smooth sailing. Mama’s House is broke, Jerry’s trying to raise money to save the business, and Sandy stupidly opens her big mouth to Kelsey Grammer over the phone about the incredible food she’s discovered. In no time, that smug son of a bitch is down in SC, driving a Bentley and offering to save the day… or is he??

Turns out, he wants to buy Mama out only to make her hard earned diner into a fancy schmancy franchise – the first thing he plans to get rid of: butter and carbs! Jerry is struggling to get the business out of debt, but a saddened Cloris, not wanting her son to have to go through this, signs her name on the dotted line before he gets a chance.

Fortunately an old coot finds a piece of paper that claims the business was not hers to sell! It was her husband’s, technically the stuffed bear now, and O’Connell with the help of Bullock, who’s finally come to her senses and sold her gorgeous West Village apartment with a walk in closet for a life as a diner operator in the South, becomes owner.

Time for one more pie eating contest, and this time it’s going to get hilariously messy!!

Don’t get me wrong, Tom Ford’s Single Man, a meandering ode to a professor hounded by male models, is incredibly good looking but, alas, it is also incredibly boring. So, for you, I’m sharing this best part – this crazy gorgeous headboard. After the jump are more stunning images, including the fuzziest sweater ever.

Welcome to RC’s newest category “Development Hell” where bad photoshopping meets our ideas for movies that will never be made.

We begin with the Perfect Strangers film, starring Zach Braff and Christ Kattan (after Giovanni Ribisi drops out) as the oddball roomies. Mike and Jim are to thank/blame for much of the concept: French Stewart, Emperor of Mypos receives a prophecy via a goat kicking someone in the balls. The message is clear – Balki is to become Emperor! Stewart, drowning in Coming to America rip off jokes, comes to Chicago to stop the prophecy from coming true but not if these Perfect Strangers can help it.

Yes, this is now how I spend my early Wednesday mornings.

From The Book of Knowledge, a 1910’s Children’s Encyclopedia.

Case in point.